In the beginning with You life seemed to be so simple.

 
When you were sad,  I made you happy.

When I was weak,  You made me strong.

When you were bored, I gave you music and told you about the stars.

When I felt alone, You brought the world to me.

When you needed to travel, I created a job that’s too easy to be real.

When I was lost in myself,  You took me for walks on the beach.

When you needed to smile, I made beautiful sunsets.

When I was hungry, You created eatable art.

 
We tried to learn each other’s language, but in the end invented our own.

Our own unique intimacy.  We were two little boys and everything was new.

We were opposites… like a cat and a dog.

It’s amazing we’ve been together so long.

 
Now it’s all fucked up. Because that simple version of me died in Amsterdam.

Somehow I came back to life and I returned to you.

But it’s not me anymore.  I have become a exaggerated memory of all that I was.

 
When you died in New York I wished you back to life to have another chance.

I needed to find a way to tell you not to be afraid…

so we could find ourselves again.

 
But when you came back to life you were no longer you.

Everything became exaggerated and I no longer knew who you were.

I had remembered you wrong?   I remembered everything wrong?

 
When I went crazy and lost faith in the world you made me a safe home.

A tower in the sky on the other side of the earth from where I was born.

To escape any further I would need to go to the moon.

 
And I’ve tried to go further, but it’s never far enough.   It’s still always me.

 
There IS something terribly wrong with me.  It is not you or the world.

I have escaped inside my head to avoid telling you the truth.

 
In the Tower we wait.  And we watch each other.  And wonder who will jump first?

 
Did I make you crazy or did you make me crazy?

Or are we just crazy like everyone else?

 
When I broke all the rules of society, You struggled to keep me in your world.

You did everything possible for me but I resisted.

I resisted because the more I saw of your world the less I understood it.

 
I am so afraid of what I have become.  I’m so afraid to finish this story.

For one year I’ve been paralyzed.  Unable to move or speak to you.

When I try to speak to you only the wrong words come out.

 
I knew this made you sad so I created the perfect animal to give us a family.

I thought this would bring us closer together.

But instead has become another excuse to not look you in the eyes.

Because when I look at you I am ashamed.  And I’m afraid.

I’m ashamed of all you have done for me.  I’m ashamed for all I’ve failed to do.

I’m ashamed because my fear is destroying our dreams.

 
I have created a trap for myself here.

I know there is no way out without making a mess.

 
The truth is… life with me has never been simple.  And never will.

The truth is… I am broken.  I don’t believe there will ever be enough time to fix me.

The truth is…  I love you.  But all my love can not erase how much I’ve hurt you.

 
For me,  my life with you has been better than any novel or film or play.

I thought I could create art to show you my perspective of the world.

But you are correct… I’m not an artist. 

I know I have to leave you.

It will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do.

I know I’ve already delayed this for too long.

I have to leave you to prove that I love you.

 
You are the Light of my world and I have become the Darkness of yours.