Paranoid Loid's light speed journey through space, time and insanity spanned 3 decades on 3 continents. His various lives were inhabited by a relentlessly repetitive coincidence of characters and events that caused him to live his life in fear, that was only a half-life, surrounded by Agents of the Conspiracy.  

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The events of my life are complex and required a whole website of pages or if you were really patient with me I could tell you over about 4 hours what really happened to get to the point that will be made right here...

I only have to tell you that this life... whatever life is... still completely blows my mind everyday.  My extraordinary life slowly became my excuse for hurting myself and everyone I loved.  That damaged my soul after 30 years surviving what I could only see as a tragic trilogy of lives and loves lost. 

 After 10 years in a desert wasteland suddenly but I'm smart and should have expected the incomprehensible random unreal way my 4th and most important and almost perfect relationship abruptly ended after 7 1/2 years.  My  entire identity ended the exact week and down to the night before almost having everything and everyone I would ever need to be happy the rest of my life.  This caused me to completely but only briefly lose my belief in love that I had doubted for almost 2 years too long.

It was only by losing all love and all hope was I finally able to see that loving myself was the first step of many and was the only way to get back everyone and everything I deserve that is essential to my world.  A whole world I almost completely lost forever.

 Only after and because of such devastating loss was I able to finally open my eyes and see.  Every person who I've ever loved in every place I've ever lived  were always all the proof of love I would ever need.   Allowing me to finally become myself that so many people love but was too often hidden behind my paranoia and doubt that I was worthy of everyone's patience and above & beyond love for me.

  I will never again doubt that love is real and does exist within me, all around me and in my life for which I will always be so grateful.

I deserve to be loved by everyone who I've ever loved and will love in the future.  Why? Because no one would ever do those horrible things to me I once was so afraid of because I'm a good person, good with animals... especially cats and so far one dog... and I am kind.

All while on this tiny yet significant rock orbiting an ordinary star in the darkness. Along with countless other stars shining just as bright as all of us illuminating a path through spacetime for others like me who get lost in the illusions made up in the dark.

This place contains everything and everyone we can and will ever be capable of knowing and loving in our short existence here.  That specific place is just wherever you happen to live and with whoever you can love who will love you and together maintain a safe, secure sense of home.  I believe that loving each other so we don't feel so alone creates something essential that cannot exist on your own and that is the whole purpose and meaning of life.

 Through it all LOVE will always be the force that keeps my unbreakable heart beating almost always forever spiraling around and falling towards the supermassive black hole existing at the center of all galaxies!



- Multimedia Projects -

Nothing Is Solid. No Matter How It Appears. 

"But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system..."

(Lorem Ipsum)


In the beginning 

there were these two hands

and they needed something to do

Dharma Chakra


of Loid Larson

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